“Detach with love.” The first time I heard that phrase I was dumbstruck. A former English major, I had to parse the words to make sense of it. “Detach?” You mean separate myself from my son? How does a mother detach from her children? And how do you do it “with love?” What does that …
After addiction, if you’re lucky, there is recovery – both for you and for your loved one. And if you’re very lucky – and you’ve done the work – you’ve learned how to live one day at a time. Even harder, you may have learned how to be present in every moment. On a Friday …
Once again, I am in a South Florida fellowship hall, invited by my son to attend an AA meeting. Some 80 chairs line the long, narrow room in neat rows. By the time the meeting starts, it’s standing room only. Late-comers sit cross-legged on the floor. I sit in the back, wanting to be invisible, …
Like many parents there was a time I knew Jacob’s friends. And their parents, too. We were a tribe raising our little indians to be the chiefs we knew they would be. In high school that all changed. Jacob suddenly drew new friends. I neither knew them nor their families. The telltale signs of something …
God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference. When I first heard it, the words barely registered. It was at an anniversary celebration for Pathways, the alcohol and substance use treatment center where I served on the board …
The call came in late afternoon on New Year’s Eve My husband and I were donning warm coats for a walk into town to enjoy fireworks. The counselor had my son in his car. “Lisa,” he said, “your son needs detox. Badly” He put Jacob on the line. I could barely hear him. This was …
Talk less. Listen more. Recently this adage came up at a meeting of parents whose sons and daughters suffer with addiction. Heads nodded. Yes, we all were guilty. We spoke too much, listened too little. And we were quick to judge. There was a time when Jacob neither spoke nor listened. At first, I thought …
It sounds so simple. There’s a line in addiction literature that says, if one person in the family gets better, chances improve for the others. When I began to attend Al-Anon meetings years ago, I went alone. It took courage to walk into that church the first time on a stormy Sunday night. After a …
I remember the first time I heard it. It is okay to glance back at your past. Just don’t stare. More than a decade after my son’s recovery, I sometimes look back at the years living with his active addiction, especially when a newcomer attends an Al-Anon meeting. Although I don’t stare, it is easy …
Like most parents, we tried to raise our children with certain values. Among the top was service to others. As the English-born poet W.H. Auden said, “We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don’t know.” Our daughter grew up watching us volunteer. She witnessed …