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Home coming

Home coming

“I have measured out my life in coffee spoons.” So goes the famous line from T.S. Eliot’s poem “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock.” Some critics say it reflects how we spend much of our lives on ordinary tasks with little meaning. That’s not why I remember it. It’s a line I repeat often …

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Mom, don’t worry

Mom, don’t worry

It creeps up somewhere between 2 and 3 a.m. Maybe some people are more prone to it. I’ve always been a worrier – and never worse than when my son’s abuse of alcohol and drugs overwhelmed his high school years. At first, I worried over what was wrong with him.  Why was he so sullen?  …

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Look for the Helpers

Look for the Helpers

In times of crises, children are taught – Look for the Helpers. Spot a dark blue or brown uniform. Maybe a bright yellow hat.  A white vest with a red cross. But with addiction – and all the crises it brings – the helpers are not so obvious. When my son’s substance abuse began, I …

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When it’s not funny

When it’s not funny

Growing up, I had no idea how important it was. Not until I married, had children, and started a career did I appreciate the gift my parents had given me. My father was a master of the one-liner.  Then I found it in my husband.  Both children can sometimes make me laugh to tears. A …

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Was it enough?

Was it enough?

I never doubted I was a good parent. Even during Jacob’s darkest days, I never thought I was in any way a “bad” mother. Mostly. When therapists told me addiction happens in the best of families, to children of the best parents, I tried hard to believe them. But that didn’t stop the ruminating.  What …

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Elixir

Elixir

  If there were an elixir, proven to heal thousands of people every year, guaranteed to at least make you feel better if you gave it a try – would you try it? More than a decade ago I didn’t believe it either. When my son was nearing his worst days under the grip of …

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College daze

College daze

Suitcases are rolling. Backpacks strain at the seams. Laundry bags scream for air. Watching students check in at a nearby college, I recall another check-in day, years ago. The night before taking off for college, don’t most kids pack?  They decide what goes into the suitcase, what can wait for Christmas break, what goes to …

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When it’s not about the money

When it’s not about the money

Recently, a friend shared that she was funding her daughter’s post-graduate education.   She sounded apologetic. It’s funny how sometimes parents think there must be some clear demarcation line – some age or achievement or victory level – where we STOP giving our kids money. Add addiction, it gets even more complicated. Jacob worked as a …

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Praising the good ones

Praising the good ones

An administrator at our local treatment center recently stepped aside for several months following surgery.  His absence reminds me how important such people are to our loved ones with addiction. Like all professions, addiction treatment attracts the good and the bad.  Sometimes the good ones are hard to find. They were for me. Even though …

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Angrophobia

Angrophobia

Name a fear, and there’s probably a word for it. Fears have names.  And sometimes the names are more frightening than the fear itself. Consider these (just for fun?): Nomophobia is the irrational fear of being without a mobile phone or internet access. Athazagoraphobia is an intense fear of being forgotten or forgetting someone or …

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