Once lost, it’s difficult to regain. In families facing addiction, trust is among the first of many losses. Parents often ask, “When did you start trusting your son again?” It took time and distance. After his final inpatient stay, Jacob held a job and was living in a halfway house. Slowly, trust returned. We loaned …
There’s an Al-Anon motto that’s especially apt this time of year – and not just for families facing addiction. You can look back. Just don’t stare. As this year rolls into the next, I admit to staring just a bit. It’s been nearly 13 years since Jacob found recovery – and the same for me. …
Among the virtues that some people have, there is at least one I missed. Patience I don’t even come close. Perhaps it’s genetic? My father was a pretty impatient guy. My mother’s patience came in tolerating his impatience. But my own lack of it was sorely tested when addiction crept into our home late in …
“I have measured out my life in coffee spoons.” So goes the famous line from T.S. Eliot’s poem “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock.” Some critics say it reflects how we spend much of our lives on ordinary tasks with little meaning. That’s not why I remember it. It’s a line I repeat often …
It creeps up somewhere between 2 and 3 a.m. Maybe some people are more prone to it. I’ve always been a worrier – and never worse than when my son’s abuse of alcohol and drugs overwhelmed his high school years. At first, I worried over what was wrong with him. Why was he so sullen? …
In times of crises, children are taught – Look for the Helpers. Spot a dark blue or brown uniform. Maybe a bright yellow hat. A white vest with a red cross. But with addiction – and all the crises it brings – the helpers are not so obvious. When my son’s substance abuse began, I …
Growing up, I had no idea how important it was. Not until I married, had children, and started a career did I appreciate the gift my parents had given me. My father was a master of the one-liner. Then I found it in my husband. Both children can sometimes make me laugh to tears. A …
I never doubted I was a good parent. Even during Jacob’s darkest days, I never thought I was in any way a “bad” mother. Mostly. When therapists told me addiction happens in the best of families, to children of the best parents, I tried hard to believe them. But that didn’t stop the ruminating. What …
If there were an elixir, proven to heal thousands of people every year, guaranteed to at least make you feel better if you gave it a try – would you try it? More than a decade ago I didn’t believe it either. When my son was nearing his worst days under the grip of …
Suitcases are rolling. Backpacks strain at the seams. Laundry bags scream for air. Watching students check in at a nearby college, I recall another check-in day, years ago. The night before taking off for college, don’t most kids pack? They decide what goes into the suitcase, what can wait for Christmas break, what goes to …