When a child falls prey to addiction, when does a parent stop asking, what did I do wrong? What did I do, or not do, to cause this? When does self-incrimination end and absolution begin? Maybe it takes years. Or maybe, never. Recently, Jacob was invited to address a large AA meeting in south Florida. …
Recently my son and I were invited to help inaugurate a Family Weekend hosted by the Schnellenberger Foundation in Delray Beach, Florida. Some might recognize this name. In the 1970s Howard Schnellenberger was coach of the Baltimore Colts. His son, Tim, leads the family’s effort to support recovery and to educate families afflicted by the …
We all know addiction can affect those nearest the person with the disease. Parents and spouses suffer mightily. But what about others in the family? Or even close friends? One of the questions I face frequently after a book talk is, how did your daughter react? When addiction entered our household, nothing was the same. …
For a long time I thought I had the “right” response whenever I learned that someone who loves a person with addiction was suffering. Apparently, I’ve been doing it all wrong. Until recently, if someone told me about a friend or relative whose child was actively drinking or using, I would say, “Sure. Have them …
You need to see it to believe it. In the Washington DC area – every Sunday evening – there’s an open AA meeting that’s been going on for decades. That’s not unusual. What is is the group’s size. On a recent Sunday my son invited me to attend with him. Located this night in a …
On a late August morning just before sunrise only a few people dot the beach. The sand belongs to the seabirds, a fisherman and yesterday’s footprints. Except for the pounding of waves, there’s no sound. In the still, quiet snapshot of that half-light before dawn, I surrender to the sweet sadness of summer’s end. I …
The word connotes pleasure, relaxation, summertime ease. It’s time away with family, friends, a spouse, a pet. In my family, vacation means Rehoboth. The Delaware-beach resort, known for its family-friendly atmosphere, deep blue beach umbrellas, boardwalk fries and bumper cars, offers us all that a beach vacation can. But for years the word “vacation” spurred …
A question I often am asked is, when did you start trusting your son, again? As often as this comes up, it always stops me cold. The corollary is rarely asked: how long did it take to lose that trust? Al-Anon literature says that “trust” is a choice. Suffering from the wreckage of addiction in …
Prague, Capital of the Czech Republic. Certainly not a city you would associate with addiction, or any other disease. But there we were in early July, attending an AA meeting with our son. The city was a brief stopover at the end of a river cruise celebrating a family anniversary. Without fanfare, Jacob announced he’d …
At a recent book talk a woman raised her hand and asked, “Do you ever get over the fear?” Her adult son, two and half years clean, was living several states away. They spoke often by phone and she had the sense he was doing well. But she couldn’t stop worrying. “I worry that he …