She was small with glossy brown hair and a pout that ensured she got what she wanted.  At age 18 she was what my son wanted.  Or so he thought .

When Jacob was in his freshman year in college – and in active addiction – he visited his girlfriend in New England for Valentine’s Day weekend.  Somehow he made all the arrangements on his own, including the purchase of a spangle bracelet in a blue Tiffany bag.

As he made plans for the holiday, my hopes rose.   If I couldn’t “fix” whatever was wrong with my son, maybe  – I foolishly thought – this girl could.  At the very least it would be a “normal” weekend for him.  Isn’t this what college kids did on weekends, visit each other on their campuses, especially if they were dating?

Often during Jacob’s addiction I pinned my prayers on others.  Maybe this friend, that therapist, the professor, a girl, would make the difference in his life.  Maybe they could make him well when I couldn’t.

But in the end, it was never up to me or anyone else.  It was always and only up to Jacob.

That Valentine’s Day was a disaster.  Jacob came home sad and dejected.  Years later I learned that he had tried abstaining from using that weekend and ended up in withdrawal.

Professionals warn about relationships when one or both partners are abusing drugs. They even caution against serious romantic entanglements during the first year or so of sobriety. Love and addiction rarely mix.

Two years ago, in his eighth year of recovery, Jacob met a stunning young woman.  He fell in love, as did she.  This time it’s for real.

So how do I feel this Valentine’s Day?

Profoundly grateful…because now there is another woman in my son’s life who loves him as much as I do.