They sit side by side in the kindergarten classroom.

The wife rubs her thumb across the tips of her fingers.  The husband stares at every speaker.  They are grasping for the answer – the “right” one.

In the early years of my son’s addiction, I did the same.

I came to Al-Anon knowing surely these wise people had the answers to my every question.

Among the toughest to solve were those that involved money.

When addiction turns trust into suspicion and courage into fear, giving money to a child with addiction – in any form – becomes a nightmarish decision, every time.

My bedrock was that money went to food,shelter, education and health care. That was sacrosanct.

But even this was sorely tested when Jacob’s condition led to treatment centers, halfway houses and follow-up care.

Was I enabling him by paying for the first one, two or three treatment centers?  Or emailing a grocery store credit card?  Or underwriting 90 days in a halfway house?

I’ll never know.

But I do know that if we had doubts about what to pay for, we held firm on his finding a job and starting to fund his own way.   He knew “money” was not endless.

Did this help him find the long-term sobriety he enjoys today?  He says it played a part.

Then he found AA, where money doesn’t matter.  He found recovery on his own with the help of the program – and something greater than himself.

Will my story help these parents – still so  new to addiction –  to give or withhold money?

With time I hope they find the answers they need.

For today –  at least –  they are in the right room.