At a meeting recently a father shared this: “I don’t like feeling like a warden around my son.” The word startled me. His son, now in his thirties, has a history of addiction and recovery and was living on his own for years. But a serious injury forced his move back into his parents’ home …
Certainly not kindergarten. And certainly nothing I learned there prepared me to help a child with addiction. What did – and still does – are the friendships and shared experiences of friends in Al-Anon. But just when I think I’ve got this, something happens to test my resolve. After spending a month visiting with Jacob …
A freight train thunders behind us, so close it shakes the folding chairs where we sit. All conversation stops. For several seconds – as 5 or 6 cars rumble by – we are silent. My husband, Jacob and I are seated at a small table that’s been set up for us in the front yard …
What parent doesn’t wish for their children that they will have close, cherished friends for their lifetime? In the immortal lyrics of Carole King (and James Taylor): You just call out my name/And you know wherever I am/I’ll come runnin’ to see you again/…And I’ll be there/You’ve got a friend. I always delighted in knowing …
Once lost, it’s difficult to regain. In families facing addiction, trust is among the first of many losses. Parents often ask, “When did you start trusting your son again?” It took time and distance. After his final inpatient stay, Jacob held a job and was living in a halfway house. Slowly, trust returned. We loaned …
There’s an Al-Anon motto that’s especially apt this time of year – and not just for families facing addiction. You can look back. Just don’t stare. As this year rolls into the next, I admit to staring just a bit. It’s been nearly 13 years since Jacob found recovery – and the same for me. …
Among the virtues that some people have, there is at least one I missed. Patience I don’t even come close. Perhaps it’s genetic? My father was a pretty impatient guy. My mother’s patience came in tolerating his impatience. But my own lack of it was sorely tested when addiction crept into our home late in …
“I have measured out my life in coffee spoons.” So goes the famous line from T.S. Eliot’s poem “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock.” Some critics say it reflects how we spend much of our lives on ordinary tasks with little meaning. That’s not why I remember it. It’s a line I repeat often …
It creeps up somewhere between 2 and 3 a.m. Maybe some people are more prone to it. I’ve always been a worrier – and never worse than when my son’s abuse of alcohol and drugs overwhelmed his high school years. At first, I worried over what was wrong with him. Why was he so sullen? …
In times of crises, children are taught – Look for the Helpers. Spot a dark blue or brown uniform. Maybe a bright yellow hat. A white vest with a red cross. But with addiction – and all the crises it brings – the helpers are not so obvious. When my son’s substance abuse began, I …