When Jacob was using, my only worry was for him.  I never had to worry that his addiction might mingle with a deadly virus.

Today I hear stories of families during this quarantine who shelter their sons and daughters suffering from addiction.  These parents watch their children come and go, unsure what frightening, new threats they may be bringing home.

I didn’t have that dual worry – about my son and about my own safety.  All I had to worry about was him.

And that I did, without mercy.

Work at the hospital brought some relief.  Packed days and evening events forced my focus on the people in front of me.  Even there, worry seeped in.  Where was he?  What was he doing, and with whom?  Could others read the fright on my face?  Could they see worry?

Years later two simultaneous “events” changed my life.

Jacob began what has now become long-term recovery.

And his mother began long-term, faithful attendance at weekly Al-Anon meetings where I learned to keep the focus on myself, not him.

It was at an Al-Anon meeting that I heard this suggestion: replace “worry” with “wonder.”

Does it help?

Yes, but like any new language, it takes practice.

Whether it’s my own recovery or Jacob’s  – or a pandemic –  I need to learn to worry less and wonder more.