There’s an Al-Anon motto that’s especially apt this time of year – and not just for families facing addiction.

You can look back.  Just don’t stare.

As this year rolls into the next, I admit to staring just a bit.

It’s been nearly 13 years since Jacob found recovery – and the same for me.

But recovery doesn’t completely dispel doubts, or disallow my curiosity about his future, or mine.

As a journalist, I was taught to ask questions.  Curiosity helps to uncover facts, complete the story, and inform others.

As a mother, I probably asked too many questions of both my daughter and son (as their rolled eyes often testified) – but never more so than when addiction consumed our household.

Where was Jacob when he wasn’t at home, school or his job?  Why was he out so late?  Why didn’t he heed my pleas to come home when he knew I could never fall asleep until his footsteps echoed on the stairs?

It wasn’t until his last inpatient treatment and a program that was right for him did my questions slowly fade.  One by one, I had the answers.

And yet…adulthood and recovery don’t mean I am no longer curious about Jacob’s life. Sure, he’s independent, living far away, with his own circle of friends, an active life, and a commitment to something greater than himself.

But that doesn’t mean I won’t continue to ask questions… sometimes guarded, cautious to check any judgement.  Because I still need to learn – and thereby to understand.

This coming year is sure to be provocative.

If nothing else, I want my children to remember to ask questions.

Maybe the motto for 2025 isn’t you can look back, just don’t stare…

But rather, you can look ahead.  Just stay curious.