It’s only a 3 x2 inch box.  But it may as well be a symbol of addiction.

Or at least, how addiction affects the family.

At Al-Anon meetings we pass the tissue box to whomever needs it.

Recently, it was a mother whose adult son was living in a sober house, one of many in his life.

But that’s not what caused the tears.

It was the reaction of a sibling.  His sister – married with two young children – had flatly informed her parents that if the brother were ever present, she wouldn’t be.  Sunday dinners.  Birthdays.  Holiday celebrations.  It didn’t matter.  She no longer would expose her family to the havoc her brother wrought.

An adult child’s addiction can destroy parents.

But it’s even harder when it assaults other children in the family, too.

When Jacob was actively using, his sister blocked contact with him.  She hated what he was doing – not only to himself, but also to her parents.  She lived on the other side of the country, the miles reflecting the great distance between them.

It hurt to watch their relationship disintegrate.  But just as I was helpless to control my son’s addiction, I was helpless to control his sister’s feelings about him.

I had to learn that when addiction seeps into a family, each member sets his or her own boundaries.  It’s how they survive the disease.

It wasn’t until Jacob was in recovery for months, then years, that he and his sister resumed the close, loving, sibling relationship that all parents want for their children.

Their relationship today is yet another gift of recovery.

Eventually, the mother will learn that.

Until one day, she will pass the tissue box to someone else.