So much is written about how to survive when someone you love is in active addiction.

But what happens when recovery begins?

When Jacob was using, I lost him.  The son I’d raised, the son I wanted, was gone.  But once he stopped abusing alcohol and other drugs, the son I loved began to re-emerge.

What I faced then – even with unbounded joy – was how to be “us” again.  Would this be easier for him?   He knew what to do.  Continue with his sponsor, go to meetings, give back through service. Take it one day at a time.

But what about me?  How was I to live in our newfound universe?

Jacob used as a boy.

He was recovering as a man.

So I faced a whole new set of questions.  How do I handle his sobriety?  What do I say or do?  Can I trust him?  Can I trust myself?  What if I say the wrong thing?  Am I allowed to feel happy?  For him – and for me?

It was easy to let the obsessive, controlling and crazed behavior I lived before Jacob’s recovery take over my life again.  Like the person with the addiction, I could so easily slip back into that negative pattern of fear, worry and isolation.

But the steps that got me stronger, that gave me strength to face his illness and its effects on me, were the same steps that guided me through the first months and years of recovery.  They still do.

Today, I continue to practice letting go, trusting in something greater than myself, working to keep the focus on my recovery, and believing that Jacob will do the same for himself.

Recovery IS what’s next.   It’s there for all who seek it.