Accept it.

Moms – and dads – just want to be helpful to their children, no matter the child’s age.

It’s a lifelong commitment.

But what happens when that child has an addiction?  And you are told to “detach with love” – as a helpful maxim dictates.   How does that change the rules?  What’s allowed and what isn’t?

Recently, a close friend was confronted with this dilemma.

Her adolescent son required a subtle balance of medicines to keep him stable and support his recovery.  When he settled into a nearby sober living house, he suddenly ran out of his medication.

During a casual phone conversation with his mom, he mentioned it.

Her reaction?  She jumped.

Faster than a comet streaking ‘cross the night sky, she was on the phone.  She dialed his sober house, his doctors, pharmacies, the insurance company and even a former treatment center. Patiently and methodically, she worked the details.  It took her a full day, but she was undeterred.  By day’s end, her son had what he needed.

Why?  Because she was sure he would not be able to do this on his own.   Without his meds, he would get worse.

Maybe she was right.  It was a difficult challenge for anyone, let alone a teenager. And maybe she needed to quell her own fears about what the abrupt absence of her son’s meds might do to her.

Regardless, she never hesitated – not even a pause to ask if he wanted her help.

When our children are “normal” and healthy, it’s easy enough to jump in and fix whatever it is. But when a child is suffering from addiction and struggling to make his way, what’s a parent to do?

Al-Anon teaches us to “Think before you act.”

Allow the “child” to try.  Give him space to grow up.

Who knows.

He just might surprise you.