Anonymity   (Try saying that three times)

“Your anonymity is protected at all times.”

That’s part of the opening lines of many Twelve-Step programs.

It’s a promise to anyone who is there.

We introduce ourselves with first names only. What’s said here, stays here.

When I first heard that my “anonymity was protected” I was both relieved, but also curious.

Why was such a promise important?  Was I the only parent to feel shame at having a child who was abusing drugs or alcohol?  Did others feel embarrassed, or afraid that someone might find out?  Might find them out?  What would that say about them as a parent?   Spouse?  Sibling?

Shame, isolation, self-blame, denial are all part of addiction and its effects on families.

Here I was safe.  No one else would know.

When the time came that I could no longer deny Jacob’s drug use was more than a high school dalliance, I went into hiding.

Fear enveloped me.  It was fear for Jacob’s life – but it was more than that. I feared that someone, anyone, might find out my son was using drugs.

Surprisingly, those Al-Anon meetings didn’t always hold strangers.  Often, I found couples I’d known for decades yet never known the secret we shared.

Gradually, the more meetings I attended, the more months that passed, fear faded. As recovery took hold, I no longer craved the protection of anonymity.

In fact, just the opposite happened.

My recovery meant sharing my story with others – offering my experience, strength and hope to those still suffering.

Anonymity gave me a place to hide

Recovery gave me the courage to be known.