At a recent Al-Anon meeting a mother shared how she’d attended her son’s one-year sobriety celebration.

This mother was no stranger to addiction. Her son, now in his 30s, had been drinking and using drugs since college.

Listening intently to every word, I found myself reliving my own son’s one-year anniversary.

What I listened for then, and sometimes still do, is absolution. I listen to hear where I went wrong. What did I do, or not do, that led to his addiction. Surely Jacob would reference me or his family in sharing his many years with drugs. Mystery revealed. Questions answered. We would learn where we had gone wrong.

Today, in his now seven-plus years of sobriety, Jacob speaks often to groups, both those in recovery and those seeking it. I am ever grateful when he allows me and his father to attend. But I’ve yet to hear where I went wrong. It’s never about me. It’s about him, his fears, his challenges, his recovery, and the beauty of a life that he has created.

Just as this mother shared, her son said nothing about her or his father. He talked about his fears, his inability to belong, his yearning for a place in the world, and the deep hole inside him that prevented his finding it.

She hadn’t dug that hole. Nor could she fill it.
Nor could I for my son.

What I could do was profess my love, take care of myself, and pray that one day he would come back to us, whole, filled with renewed purpose, alive with a life only he could make for himself.

As, praise God, he has.