How many times did I say this as my son grew up? How often did I repeat them in the troubled days of his active addiction, sometimes at the worst times? I recall saying it the evening my husband and I returned from a meeting at the high school where Jacob’s advisor warned us: your …
The first time I read that word my son was fighting for sobriety. He was early in recovery and I was reading everything I could about addiction. Ann Dowsett Johnston, author of “Drink,” describes our society as ‘alcogenic,’ meaning a “’drinking culture.” Because so many Americans drink, social events revolve around alcohol. On weekends we …
Recently I overheard a young man in recovery talking by phone to his mother. A distance of several states separated them. But it sounded like the distance was far greater. The man – barely out of adolescence – was downloading details about an incident at his job site. By his raised voice and staccato phrases, …
It wasn’t church, but it sure felt like it. On a Sunday morning some 65 men and women sit in a large room, chairs scattered around rectangular tables, their eyes focused on two speakers at the head. Feeling awkward, I sit quietly in the back. Not an alcoholic, I don’t “qualify” to attend AA meetings. …
Going to AA meetings with Jacob during family vacations has become as routine as visiting the “100 Flavors” of ice cream on the boardwalk each evening. But this year held a highlight. It began when I learned that a close friend from Annapolis was vacationing the same week with her family nearby. Nine years ago …
Often I am asked this question: “My friend has a son who is using. What should she do?” The question comes from a place of love. We want to help our friends when they hurt. When Jacob was using, and his world was so dark, I went dark, too. Sullen, silent, like a winged bat …
At a recent Al-Anon meeting a mother shared how she’d attended her son’s one-year sobriety celebration. This mother was no stranger to addiction. Her son, now in his 30s, had been drinking and using drugs since college. Listening intently to every word, I found myself reliving my own son’s one-year anniversary. What I listened for …
So much is written about how to survive when someone you love is in active addiction. But what happens when recovery begins? When Jacob was using, I lost him. The son I’d raised, the son I wanted, was gone. But once he stopped abusing alcohol and other drugs, the son I loved began to re-emerge. …
It haunts me every time. Recently, it was a close friend, a father who is living the nightmare of his son’s active addiction. Complicated by the young man’s mental illness, this father’s not sure which came first – the drugs or the mental sickness – but the heavy marijuana use thwarts any effort to find …
Recently a mother suffering the effects of her son’s substance abuse asked me why I still attend Al-Anon meetings. That evening she was celebrating her loved one’s newfound sobriety. He was six months clean and she was overjoyed to have him “back.” While I celebrated with her, my instinct was to caution her. There is …